Death Note (2017)

*SPOILERS* I remember back when I thought the only two things wrong with this movie were (1) the casting director’s refusal to accept auditions from Asian actors for the role of Light Yagami, and (2) the fact that they changed this famous character’s name to the pinnacle of lameness that is “Light Turner.” These are…

Logan Lucky (2017)

*SPOILERS* Logan Lucky is just shy of two hours long, but it feels like four. You’d think a movie with such a fun trailer would be a fast-paced thrill ride for its audience, but this one trudged along like a sloth parade. Maybe a movie that knew how seriously to take itself could have pulled off…

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Here’s a short-and-sweet review of one of my favorite movies of the year. I had high hopes for Spider-Man: Homecoming from the start, mainly because I was overjoyed at the prospect of Marvel finally casting an actual teenager to play Peter Parker. For a long time, that’s all the reason I needed to see this…

Descendants 2 (2017)

For a lot of young Disney fans (and also certain people who get their kicks complaining about subpar movies on the internet), Descendants 2 was one of the most anticipated films of the year. I remember the days when I thought Disney was really going to take this idea seriously, and put some effort into…

Baby Driver (2017)

This movie was stylish as hell. I’ve seen Edgar Wright films before (Shaun of the Dead, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World), but never anything quite like this. This is the story of Baby, a getaway driver who makes his escapes to the beat of his neverending playlist. It’s also the best movie I’ve seen in…

Wonder Woman (2017)

Wonder Woman had the least collateral damage I’ve seen from a superhero movie in years, and it was about World War fucking One. This is less of a compliment for Wonder Woman and more of a complaint against all of the other recent city-leveling Marvel features, but I’ll give credit where credit is due! There…

Alien: Covenant (2017)

This one will probably be short, both because I have few complaints about the movie, and because I know very little about the Alien franchise. I’ve seen Alien and Aliens (watched them the day I went to see Covenant!), but for some reason I’ve never been able to sit through Prometheus without reading, or sewing,…

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

I’m not going to lie. I didn’t start to like this movie until I was well over an hour in. It’s probably subjective, but in my opinion, the long-awaited Guardians of the Galaxy sequel started out…well, rough. I talked to my sister a lot during that movie, and I think the word “sucktastic” might have…

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

In my art history class, my favorite period to learn about was Rococo, because I thought it was ridiculous. All of the art was beautiful, but it was all glitz, no substance. I know a lot of movies like that; so many that sometimes, I walk into the theater expecting it. But the new live-action…

A Cure For Wellness (2017)

Gore Verbinski’s A Cure For Wellness is excellent, in a weird, weird kind of way. My favorite thing about it was that it offers a subtler form of horror than what I’ve grown used to. I’ve seen a lot of slasher flicks in the past few years, and over time it’s not hard to develop…

Split (2017)

M. Night Shyamalan was doing pretty well. He had an interesting, arguably unique thriller plot. He had a protagonist that had an ounce of common sense and a considerable amount of justifiable survival skills. He had a complex, multifaceted antagonist with twenty-one harmless personalities and three misguided ones. And then he blew it.   Sorry…

La La Land (2016)

I won’t fight you if you don’t like La La Land, but I understand why others will want to. I’d been anticipating this movie-musical since the airing of its first trailer, and it certainly didn’t disappoint. The vibrant musical numbers and bittersweet ending, to me, are what really made this film recommendable. The love story…